Brand New World

I haven’t had a true “Gerry dream” until last night….I was sleeping in my parent’s house, and was staying in my childhood bedroom.  In my dream I woke up and he was lying next to me.  “Who let you down here?  I didn’t hear them come in.  How did you get down here?” my dream self thought….and then at another point he was there again and I asked him if anyone had let him “out” in a while and he started hopping around to indicate “NO” and I looked to see where his leash was and I couldn’t find it, and told myself he’d be fine with out it…..and then he was lying limp in my arms….I don’t care that it ended that way….I got to really pet him last night..which sounds so pathetic, I realize, but if you’ve gone through this, then you’ll know it, was nothing short of a miracle.  If only I could still smell that fur behind his ears that I kissed all the time.  Thank you for being in my dreams this morning boy.  You are SUCH a good boy.

In my mind, wolves feel the spirits of all departed canines, and certainly their pack members.  Howling for all.

Since Gerry finally got relief from cancer, six months ago, and I firmly believe that he is looking down at me.  I apologize Boy, for not being able to watch people walk their dogs, and it hurts when I hear dog’ tags jingle jangle.  YOU did nothing wrong.  You have not made me dislike other dogs..never ever think that.

I sleep with your blanket curled up between my belly and legs…a temporary replacement of your hips and behind, that I loved to curl into, on YOUR bed.  It is still not a “guest bedroom”..it’s our room.  It’s where I found you at 4:45 am each work day and snugged with you for 15 minutes before we went outside.  This winter was HARSH, and I’m grateful you and I didn’t have to bear it together.  This doesn’t mean I’m unable to do it again…I just needed a rest….and emotional rest after we said goodbye.  I’m still resting, but I wanted to say today, I love you boy, and you made me fall in love with Labs. None of  your blankets smell like you anymore.  Time moves on…