What life, especially because of Gerry, has taught me….

It’s been ONE year and  just past the exact time (12:10 ES) that I had to let you go, and let you have the wings, wings that you needed, and deserved.  Even though you were was only able to be with me for a year and a week from your diagnosis, and surgery, and endless pills, I haven’t given up faith that you will send me someone new, that you know I will love…not quite as much as you…but certainly with my heart and soul.

YOU were a superhero in my eyes, and this last year has been very loooog, and lonely at times, without you.  I’ve slowly gotten used to the absence of hearing your tail thump any time I walked by your bedroom, as well as ANY room you were in (and I don’t count on the same, if and when I do adopt another special unique creature).  I’ve made amazing new online friends since you’ve gone, especially the support, wisdom and words from a nation of other moms and dads at an online site, called Tripawds. (Remember that silver thing I often had on my lap, as you sat with me on the couch.  The thing you used to wrap your head around to let me know you were bored, or wanted my attention?  I found them on THAT thing.

I love you STILL so VERY, very much my Beau….All of those tears represent the chicken cubes I don’t get to make for you anymore.  Keep watching after me.

I miss and love you baby boy, and Daddy does too!

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So what have I been living in?

Now, I know, (at least in my humble opinion) that this country has gone WAY over board with being “politically correct”, but why must SO many products have to send This message out, and not consider supplying an item or two for ‘us’ ?

Just, say’n……

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Two years ago today…

..I found out you were gravely ill.

Two years ago, I had the most unimaginable and panicked day of my life.  (Even when compared to one of the hardest days before, September 11, 2001.)

However, that year in 2016, I began to love you ALL that much more intensely; as I was outright TOLD our days together were limited and not able to be counted.  (Not that they weren’t before), but this placed the arrow on the far end of an inevitable timeline.

The picture above is merely a title of sorts, to many poems, and perhaps a book that I could easily write about our time together.

Gerry,  I KNOW that you know, how much you were loved by me.  I only wish that this simple fact, made me miss you less.

You filled my empty heart, and I am forEVER grateful.

Run free boy!

Run without pain my Bo; RUN!

Mommy loves you always….I hope you know this.

 

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If I could have just ONE wish….

…this would be it.

     I am trying to convince myself to REFUSE to be sad this week, but for whatever reason, all of my most recent sadness is smashed into September.  It was on the 12th of 2016 that Gerry was diagnosed, and then on 19th of 2017 that he flew away from me.  I SHOULD focus on the fact that on the 23rd is my dad’s birthday, and that it was on the 11th in 2009 I was able to buy my home and “dream dog” backyard.

The school year just began and I am trying all to infuse my students with a growth mindset, and being mindful.  I’m trying myself, at home and life in general.  I Don’t want this class to really know about Gerry.  Getting weepy in front of eight year olds isn’t the most “stable” foundation I can build at the beginning of the year, and the last two “season openers” have been nearly impossible, resulting in very stressful and depressing times.  I’m hoping for “normalcy” this year.

We’ll see.

 

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It has been a long time…

…that I felt as peaceful as this.  I’m just saying.  Keep loving your babies!  When they leave you, it’s forever.

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