I am trying every day…

…to get this house cleaned and organized before school starts again.  There might still be a small Christmas tree in my family room, (that is still the best night light ever), but I’ll never tell.  Part of this problem is systemic.  I have very often been accused (by my mother!) of being a procrastinator.  I tell her that you can’t expect me to have a full time job, be creative, AND keep the house organized!  Once Gerry had to leave me though, everything just fell apart in so many ways.

The hardest part of all of this, is that I continue to come across his things, and I don’t want to hide them or throw them away, and I haven’t.  I just need to take down some of his pictures, because even though they make me smile, they also make me miss his company, or that moment captured.  I’ve placed other items discretely behind other items, but I at least know he’s still there.

I know why I enjoyed being away for the two weeks; there weren’t any “signs” of Gerry.  This is not to say I didn’t have dog lover conversations, and tell my tale to other dog owners I met, but it felt really distant.

Now that I’m home for a week,it feels like BLAM all over again.  I just miss his gentle ways, and how he always made me slow down, look at life, and love it.  It’s so mych harder to do without him.

Thanks for listening me feel sorry for myself.

About danielle

I am a rescue mom and school teacher. Gerry came to me from Texas, after he "failed" as a hunting dog. He had NOT had an easy life. I was three years divorced, and we saved each other. Last week I learned he has osteosarcoma. Our world feels upside down...while everyone else is right side up.
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2 Responses to I am trying every day…

  1. dobemom says:

    No apologies for missing your boy…we are allowed to wallow a bit, when we remember the beautiful life we had with them, that is now gone. Maybe Gerry and Nitro are good friends in heaven, having a ball.

    Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro

  2. jerry says:

    It totally makes sense that the more reminders the harder it is to move forward. NOT so that you can forget, but so that you can cherish these moments of your life now, as it is, with Gerry as a loving spirit in your heart.

    When our Jerry passed, we were already living in our RV and moving around a lot. So we never had to cope with tons of reminders in a normal house. Our RV is too small for more than a photo or two of him on the wall, and for sure we cannot have clutter that isn’t used. We also change our scenery a lot by moving around, so we aren’t dealing with that aspect either. I am sure that it has got to be sooo hard to live in a regular house with so many memories around every corner. So don’t be too hard on yourself. You are making progress on your own timeline and I think your realization is a good sign that you are adjusting:

    “I know why I enjoyed being away for the two weeks; there weren’t any “signs” of Gerry.”

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