This Monday….I was quiet. Tuesday at the am faculty meeting I couldn’t look anyone in the eye, plus the impossible task of reading evaluations was stressed. I don’t really remember Wednesday, and today, I felt FAR more ahead than behind. Here is my “Wall of Sanity”. That is my brother’swagon on top, that he used to pull me around in when I was 6.
I have a very good friend overseas, who has only known an “online” Gerry, as we got to know each other.. She has become irreplaceable to me.
I find that I’m not listening to any music on the 50 minute drive from work in the morning…I feel like being observant, thankful, mindful, and concentrate on the crazy drivers around me. I don’t miss Gerry then, nor when I get in the car at the end of the day.
It isn’t until I pull into the driveway that it slowly seeps into my heart…..
It isn’t until I wake in the morning (still early enough to take him outside) and walk downstairs to the “Geryr is waiting for me on the bed or couch, and we HAVE to get outside SOON,” Then I take some breaths and get ready for work…….
Coming home last night to an empty house, as David is away this weekend, was lonely. I usually LOVE to get to be by myself, but I HAVEN’T been by myself. Alone became to mean, Just Gerry and me time….THAT was hard…and not much better this morning…Time to refocus.
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Oh Danielle
My heart breaks for you. This part of the journey -we dread it and it’s the worst. The only advice I have is to take it a minute at a time. We never stop missing our fur babies. Gerry is with you. Always. If you open your heart and mind, when you are ready, he will send you signs. You are forever connected. Also, please remember we are all here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.
You are in my prayers.
xoxo
Julie and Tripawd Alumni Spirit Buddy
It’s been 2 months since we said goodbye to Nitro, and I still have those thoughts/feelings. Yesterday was a really bad day, I was regretting getting Grizzly, (he’s NOT Nitro) and was weepy all day. Today is better…who knows what tomorrow will bring? One step at a time, one day at a time, is all we can do.
Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro
Puala,
As you had said, morning is the hardest…David is away this weekend and I haven’t been “Alone alone”, for six years…..yet I’m okay. My neighbor and I got to drink some wine Friday night and chat it up after work. I spent this chilly Saturday morning indoors getting “things” done in the house. You had written about the quiet that you wanted to fill. Think of Grizzly as that “noise” you missed, but in an entirely different way than Nitro made sounds. He and Gerry are hopefully watching over us both with a new line of wisdom and love, that, due to our Earthly connection we haven’t caught up to yet. They;re telling me to
~ Do WHAT you can WHEN you can, and be okay with the accomplishment. At east you’re trying;
~ Be proud of yourself. At least ONE action you took, or words that you spoke, made a difference in someone’s day.
~ Don’t forget that Gerry and Nitro were romping around freely at some point today.
Oh my dear Danielle. I know how much you are hurting and how the grief and the void engulf you everyday. It seems like it will never end. And you wonder how in the world it can hurt more the next day, and yet it does. The routine is no longer there. Your world as you have known it day in and day out all these years with Gerry came to a stop.
I know, that you know, no dog could jave been more loved or more spoiled or more content. You gave him the gift of release at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way. Find comfort in that, just as you find comfort in knowing you gave himTHE BEST LIFE ON EARTH humanly possible!!!
The happier memories will seep in slowly but surely. Pay attention when o e pops kn….that’s Gerry thinking about the same happy time simultaneously!
I love your “Wall of Sanity”! And yes, I saw Gerrys’s photo nestled in there too! Love the wagon! What a great way to have you refocus on “good things” as needed!
I really like the “card” your friend sent you. So poignant…so true. Just lovely.
Interesting about the radio. I found it takes me months and months before I listen to music too when any of my dogs transition.
When you can, please share more of Gerry and his photos with us. We love him too.
Lots and lots of love to you
Auntie Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Auntie Sally,
Thank you for noticing the ONE picture I let myself keep there. The rest are at home or in drawers. One STUPID, but practical advantage I have of leaving the house early is that I can get a parking spot at school. I also had more time this week to catch up, but I paid for it this morning and stayed in my warm bed for a bit longer. Fall is on it’s way! I’m tying to get as many tomatoes as possible!