Brand New World

On the weekends, Gerry and I don’t have to get up so early.  (As it stands, I’m trying to “retrain” him for shorter am walks during M-F.)  He, however is a doggie dog and as a true Lab is ruled by his nose.  This morning I let him take his time and smell EVERYthing possible.  Our mid-Atlantic winter has brought more rain and cold winds, than it has snow.  To let you know how warm it was yesterday, I found three ticks crawling up his legs and on his paws before we even got in the house.  This being said, we do love in deer heaven, and ticks are so freaky in that they freeze and thaw.  I don’t want to use his flea and tick medicine from the doctor this week, as his body has been through enough, so I diluted some tea tree oil and spritzed it on his fur.  Next week when he’s that much stronger, I’ll use his Advantax (or whatever i use) to be sure he isn’t bitten.  Lyme disease is something we’ve avoided so far, and want to keep it that way.

I love waking up later on the weekends, as when he hears me shuffling around,  I hear him run to the stairs where he’ll wait for me, with a panting smile on his face.  This is one of my favorite snuggling times, as he is one of those breeds that will bow and push his head into my belly or lap FOREVER, if I rub his head or behind his ears.  We both yawn a lot, and he is the most generous with his kisses!  During the work week I usually find him quietly thumping his tail waiting for me to come to him.

I’m glad I was able to write out my feelings this weekend.  It is a luxury I’m allowing myself, instead of doing online report cards, and lesson plans.  I got out of my pajamas and took him for a walk on a trail, for a short time, and it made me happy just to trot along beside him.  He did some errands with me afterwards, and hopefully just enjoyed getting out of the house.

I think it’s going to be a pizza night tonight!

For many people, Thursday, was just another day.  It was the reminder of a Friday about to happen, or perhaps it was the day you always go grocery shopping to avoid the weekend crowd.  Myself, I went to work with an anxious heart that was split between the responsibilities that come with this time of the year in my school district.  Being a teacher is being a mom.  I don’t have children, but have taught for 20+ years, and MY definition of being a good teacher implies the use of maternal instincts.

Five years ago I adopted my first child, and was MORE than ready, as I’d had dogs in my world since I was 10 years old.  By age 43, I’d better be able to do this thing on my own, and figure out how to find others to help me.  The day I got Gerry he wouldn’t sit down, and barely would look at me.

and then one week later, he was a relaxed boy who would come to the couch and keep me company.

Well, this Thursday was an ordinary day, but it also was pretty important for Gerry and me.  No one knows what is to come; we fool our selves by working hard, but life happens to ALL of us in different ways.  My post comes from my heart, my life, my experience, and I know that there are others that have harder lives than mine, but finding out what the word osteosarcoma meant, and what it implied, I cringed on the inside during a phone with my vet, the first week back to third grade, as the carpet was yet again pulled out from under me. However, this Thursday, was the end of my boy’s experience under going chemotherapy.

Although I was touched by the hand made sign, and balloons, can you understand when I say that it wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted to really celebrate with a memorable event?  I just wanted it to happen.  I’m so beyond being naive, but I am relived that Gerry doesn’t have to have poisons pushed through his body to kill an invasive enemy that I have no control over.  I just want to keep celebrating his love of sweet potatoes, and his ever resilient spirit.  I just want to live my life with my boy and not dwell on inevitable realities.

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It has been wonderful getting to spend a long weekend with Gerry.  I proactively scheduled a wellness and his 3 year heart worm test for today, so I could take him myself.  He hasn’t been to Dr. Peterson, “his vet”, since the x-ray  results in September which were bigger than my world could manage.  I didn’t want Dr. Peterson be ‘the one” who had to  amputate Gerry’s foreleg.  I wanted Alan to still be the doctor where Gerry get weighed, felt up and squeezed around, and occasionally got a thermometer somewhere “unusual”.  i also wanted a surgeon who was practiced to do the operation, as well.

As far as his vet said, Gerry looks great, and I made the right decision.  This Thursday is the end of chemotherapy. I’m glad for the end, and also hopeful it was invasive enough to destroy this time-killer.  I will continue to burn my sacred Frankincense resin so that we might all breathe in something healing, and I will lay and pray, and continue on our lives as I had before.

I’ve lived my whole life in NE and so snow is no stranger or foe to me.  I used to LOVE snow, until I moved to NY and was influenced by all of the snow whiners!

Now I say nothing.

If I don’t ask you to walk my dog in the cold weather, then you have NO reason to complain as far as I’m concerned.  Gerry and I have been getting outside each morning just after 5 AM, in every type of weather, no matter what, as I have to get to work, folks, and the dog  walkers aren’t coming until 12:00 or so, so he’d BETTER go!

Since Gerry has become a tripawd, I have become more patient with him outside.  I don’t want to yank him, and I want him to savor every smell.  However!  With the temperatures going to below 20 degrees or so, he’d better get down to business as quickly as he can, or wait until the sun has risen.

I love my boy so much.  He’s a sleepy boy in this shot!

…and I feel badly that I’ve not taken this time for myself.  I suppose I’ve been trying my best to just keep on keeping on, as if life in general, is just LIFE IN GENERAL, and it is.  Since I’ve last typed Gerry has gone through FIVE of the six recommended chemotherapy visits.  I’m blessed that he has not had any negative reactions to the treatments, and I am thankful for the staff at the hospital for always telling me Gerry is too cute to come home, and that they want him to stay longer.  The food bowls in the background are filled with white chicken breast and white rice for at least two days after chemo.  Anything to keep his belly settled, and give me a sense of mothering him with homemade goodness.

This Thanksgiving my family traveled to me, to make it easier, and I’m so glad that they did.  It lifted all of us up, I believe.  That weekend, Mom and I went to a fabric store and I bought some material pieces to make Gerry look stylish throughout the season.  His necklace is a healing stone brought to him from my  grown neighbor-child, who has known him since he came to me.  I ordered, and figured out how to put on a Ruff Wear harness for him, so that I could take him to my parent’s house, in which my bedroom is in a finished basement (with at least 10 crazy steep stairs that I fell down and sprained my ankle badly on when I was 16).  He was a trooper the entire time, and I was able to lift/support him on the walk down.  Success!

I have a wonderful friend across the ocean in Germany who is saying prayers daily for Gerry, and I firmly believe these things matter.  She is teaching me to accept life, and be more aware of my daily happiness (whether she realizes it or not).  The greatest gift I ever gave myself was Gerry, and having him with me at Christmas was the greatest gift i could have received.