Never to be forgotten, and something to lean on to….

As a child, September excited me, because I LOVED going back to school.  After 29 years of teaching after going to college, not as much.  After my boy was diagnosed in September, and got his wings the following September,  NOT SO MUCH at all.

There aren’t enough kind, encouraging words to make me ever feel secure in September again.  Don’t even try, and this is not me feeling sorry for myself, but admitting the huge hole in my heart that will heal while I’m not paying attention.  For now, I reserve the right to be sulky, even downright b!tc#y, during this season.  I’ll do right by my new students, but they are not meeting or getting, the teacher I used to be…just the person that I am right now.

I love Boo, but dear lord, I miss my boy, forever, and for always.It wasn’t enough time…not nearly enough time together.  I wanted to see his muzzle go gray…I wanted to baby talk him up onto the bed, and buy stairs for him to climb to ease his pain.  I was never prepared to ease his pain as early as I did.  I know I’m a spoiled, humanizing American, but I didn’t ask to be born with this heart, and no one can, not even myself, can stop it from beating this eternal series of Taps and inner sadness.  It shouldn’t go away, but I wish it didn’t shine come September.

About danielle

I am a rescue mom and school teacher. Gerry came to me from Texas, after he "failed" as a hunting dog. He had NOT had an easy life. I was three years divorced, and we saved each other. Last week I learned he has osteosarcoma. Our world feels upside down...while everyone else is right side up.
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7 Responses to Never to be forgotten, and something to lean on to….

  1. tribella says:

    So sorry for your loss. We lost Meka 10 years ago and I still miss here now and then. It is hard to forget something that loves you so unconditionally.

  2. tinsch says:

    Yes, that’s December for me now. The rest of the year isn’t as bright as it used to be either, though.

  3. jerry says:

    I feel the same way about Fall. It reminds me so much of when we started to prepare for our Jerry’s departure. I get sad just thinking about that season.

    You’re allowed to feel that way, totally.

  4. benny55 says:

    Soooo….I’ll just say your pillow is a sweet trobute.
    Yes, Gerry will always be remembered. Always❤

  5. danielle says:

    Thank you. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear 🙂
    personalizationmall.com ROCKS!

  6. paws120 says:

    July is my month, I feel it coming before I even look at the calendar. Had a total melt down this year and it started in June. 7 years, but when I look at her video it feels like just yesterday. Made a tribute for Rosie on Huck’s blog page. Making her video was very therapeutic for me.
    Love, love LOVE Gerry’s pillow 💖💖💖💖

  7. corgiburrito says:

    I think if anything, you’ve got a community that totally understands and can empathize with you here on tripawds. Thinking of you and sending you warm, healing vibes. <3

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