Brand New World

May 6, 2011 was the day that I drove to Danbury, Connecticut with butterflies in my stomach and a gleam in my eyes.

As it’s entered into my computer calendar, “Gerry Came to Me”

I’d say I can’t believe it’s been nine years, but I can.

As with everyone reading and entering posts on to this blessing of a web site, life has moved on, even when many of us felt like our feet were stuck in cement and we’d never be set free from this frozen state.

We do.

It will take a while, and all of our experiences will be difficult and different.  You WILL eventually move.  Whether you notice or not…want to or not,  You will.

One day you will discover that you are back in your car,  feeling those familiar butterflies and seeing the world with new eyes.  If your Higher Power intends it, you will be blessed once more with a new experience of a new creature entering your life.  You will feel a tiny victory, entering again the new name of a new friend and date.  On an anniversary of sadness you will take deep breaths, and refocus yourself on the NOW.  You will smile silently to yourself that you have walked down the path far enough to be blessed with a new beginning.  You will acknowledge that love has come again.

Was I right?  Has your tail stopped wagging?   Do you remember the day that i saw you in the middle of the crowd, looking up to the heavens, and your tail, limp beside you.  I mainly noticed, because whenever I saw the blue skies above me, I felt as high as a kite, and as free as a bird!  I know that you’re blind and I’m using words that might not make sense to you, but I also know you’re intelligent enough to use context clues and determine what you’re missing.  You, Boo, are a lucky dog.

My girl, Danielle, was surprised, like all humans to discover that I  had a serious condition, and that I eventually, needed serious care.  She made sure I was doing whatever was the healthiest.  However, she and I Both knew that I couldn’t stay forever.  I knew it would take her at least a year to let her heart out on the line again.

You got her attention in a week’s time!  I know Exactly which photo made her go, “Ohhh..”

As a child, September excited me, because I LOVED going back to school.  After 29 years of teaching after going to college, not as much.  After my boy was diagnosed in September, and got his wings the following September,  NOT SO MUCH at all.

There aren’t enough kind, encouraging words to make me ever feel secure in September again.  Don’t even try, and this is not me feeling sorry for myself, but admitting the huge hole in my heart that will heal while I’m not paying attention.  For now, I reserve the right to be sulky, even downright b!tc#y, during this season.  I’ll do right by my new students, but they are not meeting or getting, the teacher I used to be…just the person that I am right now.

I love Boo, but dear lord, I miss my boy, forever, and for always.It wasn’t enough time…not nearly enough time together.  I wanted to see his muzzle go gray…I wanted to baby talk him up onto the bed, and buy stairs for him to climb to ease his pain.  I was never prepared to ease his pain as early as I did.  I know I’m a spoiled, humanizing American, but I didn’t ask to be born with this heart, and no one can, not even myself, can stop it from beating this eternal series of Taps and inner sadness.  It shouldn’t go away, but I wish it didn’t shine come September.

Last I typed, I was head first into adopting a new fur baby, new breed, and new needs.  I, honestly, (in)conveniently,  forgot about the basic “take care of me needs” that our furry friends need from us!  At least I didn’t start Boo off with the habit of going on 20 minute walks like I did with Ger, in the spring, and then regretted it once winter HIT.

Mix into that a fractured foot that Boo gave me (Why must my ankles be so WEAK!?)        by the end of our first month together, as well as a black eye.  Add a dash of ‘loving her SO much’, and trying to understand her ways, and we’ve now created something much more than a triad than we were last winter.  Gerry is still  present in my thoughts and I find myself feeling grateful of being reminded of him when I do.  We went away, and left her at a boarding kennel for 3 nights, and I am SO glad to be home!