I SWEAR, I’m truly not trying to be be cheesy, by putting this song on this post…TRULY. I was born in 1968 (if that helps validate my embarrassed reason for picking the song to go with this entry.)
Gerry lived for three years in Texas for the first 3 years of his life, of which I have NO idea what happened to him exactly, but have seen all the burns and scars and kissed them relentlessly..and that he “made it through and made it” to a vet, (named Gerald) and then a foster mom for four months, and then AT LAST to me, his TRUE mom, I can’t think of a better song, truly.
(This was taken in 2011 when we first began to love each other.)
Believe me. I don’t want to write this post, except in a “get it all out” of the way.
You can’t hear him cough. You can’t hear him struggling to breath as if he’s just been running, but hasn’t. You don’t see him struggle to hop.
You don’t feel his heart racing for no reason.
You can’t see him ignore his food (eggs with cheese, chicken, burger,…), even if I try to hand feed it to him.
So I know you’ll understand.
I called a doctor today, who will euthanize him here at my home on Wednesday evening. I’m blessed to be legally allowed to bury him on my property, and that’s what I intend to do. My neighbor and David will dig me a hole on my land that Gerry and I used to look at ALL the time from our bedroom window.Than we’ll roll a huge dead tree trunk near there, so we’ll all have a place to sit and visit and talk.
I am not waiting anymore for him to look or sound worse..or worst yet, not be able to tell me he feels pain, exhausted or “not right, Mom.” He’s a solider who won’t report a THING wrong to me. And since, “my heroes have always been cowboys” (see Pinterest under Danielle S.) I want him to leave this world with pride and dignity.
He’s just not himself. He moans in a “bad” way lately when I pet his head, and I just don’t want him to feel pain , like the bone cancer, that I didn’t know ANYTHING about.
I’m taking the day off from work on Wednesday so I can spend the day with him, and then will have Thursday and Friday off for Jewish holidays and the weekend to be with my parents in Rhode Island .
The doctor is going to have to come in the evening, which I’m actually glad about. I’ll get a fire in our dug out pit going, (as will my net door neighbors who love him like he’s their own) and we’ll have a ceremony of sorts outside.
I’d also planned to visit my dad in RI this weekend for his 79th birthday (originally with Ger),but I still intend too travel, just solo. I think I may need my mom and dad..since they’re still here with me, and have gone through “this” sadness themselves many times
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My heart is breaking as I read this….I’m so sorry it’s that time for Gerry. As his mom, of course you don’t want him to suffer, and you are making the hardest decision ever. I know just what you mean….you want him to have his dignity, and do it on his terms. Having just recently gone through this with Nitro, I totally get it. Bless you for being so brave for him, all the while your world is crumbling around you. If you need to talk, reach out – we are here for you.
Much love,
Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro
It’s past midnight here in Virginia and your blog just popped up. I knew from the title……no….not Gerry. I didn’t want to read it. I didnw want my heart to break with you and for you. I did t wa t to go to work tomorrow with eyes swollen fro. crying again as another of our heroes heads to the Bridge. Gerry, sweet, sweet Gerry….I truly love him.
I’m not going to write much roght now. Gerry is with you veing loved and spoiled. Gerry is with you and we are going to continue celebrating this beautiful Soul who DEFINITELY picked you for his earthly journey!! And he picked you because he KNEW you would never, ever let him dow …..and you never have and you never will! You are giving him the gift of release before pain and suffering take over, which he clearly would do at some point soon.
I remember every single picture you posted tonight. I smiled then and I smile now through the tears. This is a happy dog…well loved happy dog……a dog who loves loving you back!! NOTHING CAN BREAK YOUR BOND! NOTHING!
Ice cream…try some ice cream. Continue to make each mome t even better than the previous! Gerry js with you now! Stay in the present
We salute you Soldier Gerry!
Surrounding you both with our love
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Danielle ~ I also know how you feel since we just went through this 3 months ago. I’m crying as I read this, it’s so raw. I’m so very sorry you have to go through this. But I understand, too, that you want it on his terms. Gerry has been a True Warrior! There’s a special place at the Bridge for our Warriors!
Hugs to you!
Donna
Sitting here with tears streaming as I type. Your words, “You can’t hear him cough. You can’t hear him struggling to breath as if he’s just been running, but hasn’t. You don’t see him struggle to hop” . It resonates deeply as I saw that with my doodle Sully, and had to do what was best for him. Chondrosarcoma. I didn’t want to even put that “cancer” in the same sentence as his name.
My heart breaks for you. Gerry has had a wonderful life with you and I pray that you can find peace and comfort in helping him transition to the Bridge. I’m not good at healing words but just want you to know, you are both being prayed for and we are all thinking about you.
Thank you for your comment. It meant a lot to me a few days ago when I first read it, and Now can reply. My boy is gone, and each morning I wake up, like the past six years , “Oh, he must need to go out.” That, for me is one of the hardest times now…waking into consciousness….but I am so grateful for his relief, of breathing easy and running with my other dogs, and all of the Tripawds who are there to help him if he needs it. I was an English major, in love with the Romantics. How could I think otherwise?
He is your boy, as you said in your last blog, and you know what he won’t tell you. I am heartbroken for you both your time together is drawing to that close. And you are right – all of this has been his way and he has been the luckiest boy to be yours these six-ish years. I will be thinking of you both these coming days and especially Wednesday. And wishing for the gentlest parting and journey for Gerry. And comfort for you in the form of time with your parents.
Thank you for sharing darling Gerry with us.
Lisa Marie
I have tears in my eyes reading this, I really feel for you and sort of know what you are going through. Our Freddie became a tripawd five months ago and just this week has shown some very weird behaviour, he will be xrayed next week to see what we do. Your experience has touched me profoundly, best of luck for Wednesday . 🐾🐾❤️❤️
I’m so sad to read this, Danielle. It’s the most heartbreaking decision to have to make. Please know your TriPawd family is right there with you – shedding tears, wishing for a different outcome and many more years with Gerry for you.
It’s painful to watch when they’re no longer themselves, and as Paula said, bless you for being so brave for your boy.
He’ll be met at the Bridge by some pretty amazing TriPawds that have gone before.
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers this week.
Jeanette & Angel Boone
Continue to remind yourself that GERRY PICKED YOU! Gerry knew you had what it takes to love him, to show him joy, to show him happiness and to have the strength to release him from his earth clothes when they no longer served him. He knew you loved him that much to be strong enough to share this journey with him. And that love will carry you through this roughest part of the journey. You love him so much you can do this for him.
Gerry doesn’t need to stay around for anymore loving and spoiling when a crisis may be just around the corner. Nope, he has had more loving and spoiling than most dogs ever have in a hundred lifetimes! He could not be more pleased and more content knowing he is surrounded by your love, and always will be…..just as you will always be surrounded by his love…ALWAYS!!! And that’s his promise to you he silently made the day you adopted him……and Gerry does not break his promise!
Give that sweet boy a big hug for me…..And any junk food he wants!!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!