..and now, the time has come…

I SWEAR, I’m truly not trying to be be cheesy, by putting this song on this post…TRULY.  I was born in 1968 (if that helps validate my embarrassed reason for picking the song to go with this entry.)

Gerry lived for three years  in Texas for the first 3 years of his life, of which I have NO idea what happened to him exactly, but have seen all the burns and scars and kissed them relentlessly..and that he “made it through and made it” to a vet, (named Gerald) and then a foster mom for four months, and then AT LAST to me, his TRUE mom, I can’t think of a better song, truly.

(This was taken in 2011 when we first began to love each other.)

Believe me.  I don’t want to write this post, except in a “get it all out” of the way.

You can’t hear him cough. You can’t hear him struggling to breath as if he’s just been running, but hasn’t. You don’t see him struggle to hop.

You don’t feel his heart racing for no reason.

You can’t see him ignore his food (eggs with cheese, chicken, burger,…), even if I try to hand feed it to him.

So I know you’ll understand.

I called a doctor today, who will euthanize him here at my home on Wednesday evening.  I’m blessed to be legally allowed to bury him on my property, and that’s what I intend to do.  My neighbor and David will dig me a hole on my land that Gerry and I used to look at ALL the time from our bedroom window.Than we’ll roll a huge dead tree trunk near there, so we’ll all have a place to sit and visit and talk.

I am not waiting anymore for him to look or sound worse..or worst yet, not be able to tell me he feels pain, exhausted or “not right, Mom.” He’s a solider who won’t report a THING wrong to me.  And since, “my heroes have always been cowboys” (see Pinterest under Danielle S.) I want him to leave this world with pride and dignity.

He’s just not himself.  He moans in a “bad” way lately when I pet his head, and I just don’t want him to feel pain , like the bone cancer, that I didn’t know ANYTHING about.

I’m taking the day off from work on Wednesday so I can spend the day with him, and then will have Thursday and Friday off for Jewish holidays and the weekend to be with my parents in Rhode Island .

The doctor is going to have to come in the evening, which I’m actually glad about.  I’ll get a fire in our dug out pit going, (as will my net door neighbors who love him like he’s their own)  and we’ll have a ceremony of sorts outside.

I’d also planned to visit my dad in RI this weekend for his 79th birthday (originally with Ger),but I still intend too travel, just solo.  I think I may need my mom and dad..since they’re still here with me, and have gone through “this” sadness  themselves many times

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I don’t know if I’ve mentioned…

When I call Gerry “my boy”, I mean it in the MOST sincerest of ways. I don’t recall if I’ve ever mentioned it, but I don’t have any children of my own.  (I think it makes me ABLE to be a public school teacher…but that’s anther story.) He had a REALLY GOOD day today.  Can you see his tail in motion?

I don’t know if I’ve ever written that I knew, at an early age, that just I didn’t really want to have children of “my own”, despite enjoying them.  I just knew.  In the late 1980’s that wasn’t a popular or “believable” response, when you were asked.  I (am proud to say) always stayed true to myself and my strong belief.

Thus!  When I reached age 43, sadly had to leave my husband and was divorced, YET still teaching, and finally found a house that a dog would love, was delayed a year due to bunion surgery, I found Gerry online, (we saved each other) and he became “my boy”.

Every decision I have to make lately makes me more aware that people don’t understand that he is my boy. 

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even though…

Mom has posted that funny picture,it truly was an EXCITING moment for her, andI want you to know that she has been so busy lately.  She always has morning time for ME though, to pet time awake.  Mom thinks that

I’ll only want to pee in the a.m. unlike ANY other school year.  I ave’t heard her complain, because I always take my morning pills  and have hchicken broth ice cubes afterwards.

I think I DID freak her and Dad out a little bit this week when I didn’t do big business for 3 days! I ate my first real hamburger last night and I definitely had big business to do this moning!

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No work stress, Mom

I think Gerry posed this way because he wanted to make me laugh and smile this first week of school.

Look at this goof ball, being sleepy on the couch!  I L0vE it so much.  Gerry has been a reluctant eater lately, but for some reason WILL eat the same bowl of food if I hand feed it to him.  His bathroom habits keep changing (no surprise…he’s eating “what he wants too” which is not consistent with his old diet of Canidea kibble.

My new students (23 so far) are not TOO challenging, but I have 4-5 boys that are going to give me a run for my money, and at least two girls I’m not too sure about.  Now, keep in mind folks that I’m talking about third graders here!  Thank goodness I loved and got to teach fifth grade in the same district, for over 15 years.

This economic crisis and current election have had a HUGE impact on my very mixed teaching community.  These third graders are little toughy-toughertins!  Little do they know I handled second graders in Bed Sty, NY back in the early 90’s, in Spike Lee’s neighborhood….and I came from Rhode Island!  PLUS!  I have been taking care of a special dog that they haven’t learned about yet.  We’ll see how much I tell them about him this fall…I’m just not sure.  They too need to view me as ‘strong’.

 

 

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L-0-v-E this pin from pinterest :)

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