I SWEAR, I’m truly not trying to be be cheesy, by putting this song on this post…TRULY. I was born in 1968 (if that helps validate my embarrassed reason for picking the song to go with this entry.)
Gerry lived for three years in Texas for the first 3 years of his life, of which I have NO idea what happened to him exactly, but have seen all the burns and scars and kissed them relentlessly..and that he “made it through and made it” to a vet, (named Gerald) and then a foster mom for four months, and then AT LAST to me, his TRUE mom, I can’t think of a better song, truly.
(This was taken in 2011 when we first began to love each other.)
Believe me. I don’t want to write this post, except in a “get it all out” of the way.
You can’t hear him cough. You can’t hear him struggling to breath as if he’s just been running, but hasn’t. You don’t see him struggle to hop.
You don’t feel his heart racing for no reason.
You can’t see him ignore his food (eggs with cheese, chicken, burger,…), even if I try to hand feed it to him.
So I know you’ll understand.
I called a doctor today, who will euthanize him here at my home on Wednesday evening. I’m blessed to be legally allowed to bury him on my property, and that’s what I intend to do. My neighbor and David will dig me a hole on my land that Gerry and I used to look at ALL the time from our bedroom window.Than we’ll roll a huge dead tree trunk near there, so we’ll all have a place to sit and visit and talk.
I am not waiting anymore for him to look or sound worse..or worst yet, not be able to tell me he feels pain, exhausted or “not right, Mom.” He’s a solider who won’t report a THING wrong to me. And since, “my heroes have always been cowboys” (see Pinterest under Danielle S.) I want him to leave this world with pride and dignity.
He’s just not himself. He moans in a “bad” way lately when I pet his head, and I just don’t want him to feel pain , like the bone cancer, that I didn’t know ANYTHING about.
I’m taking the day off from work on Wednesday so I can spend the day with him, and then will have Thursday and Friday off for Jewish holidays and the weekend to be with my parents in Rhode Island .
The doctor is going to have to come in the evening, which I’m actually glad about. I’ll get a fire in our dug out pit going, (as will my net door neighbors who love him like he’s their own) and we’ll have a ceremony of sorts outside.
I’d also planned to visit my dad in RI this weekend for his 79th birthday (originally with Ger),but I still intend too travel, just solo. I think I may need my mom and dad..since they’re still here with me, and have gone through “this” sadness themselves many times