I am trying every day…

…to get this house cleaned and organized before school starts again.  There might still be a small Christmas tree in my family room, (that is still the best night light ever), but I’ll never tell.  Part of this problem is systemic.  I have very often been accused (by my mother!) of being a procrastinator.  I tell her that you can’t expect me to have a full time job, be creative, AND keep the house organized!  Once Gerry had to leave me though, everything just fell apart in so many ways.

The hardest part of all of this, is that I continue to come across his things, and I don’t want to hide them or throw them away, and I haven’t.  I just need to take down some of his pictures, because even though they make me smile, they also make me miss his company, or that moment captured.  I’ve placed other items discretely behind other items, but I at least know he’s still there.

I know why I enjoyed being away for the two weeks; there weren’t any “signs” of Gerry.  This is not to say I didn’t have dog lover conversations, and tell my tale to other dog owners I met, but it felt really distant.

Now that I’m home for a week,it feels like BLAM all over again.  I just miss his gentle ways, and how he always made me slow down, look at life, and love it.  It’s so mych harder to do without him.

Thanks for listening me feel sorry for myself.

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Art….

this was taken in the dog, Honey’s garden to watch over!

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HERE is where July went!

WELL!  Look who Gerry sent me to get to pet on my vacation?  A beautiful Lab named Honey.  She wasn’t going anywhere off her home territory!  She followed her dad around while he gave us a tour of a garden he cares for.  That is an old anchor, behind her, which is R.I.’s state flag’s emblem.  It stands for “Hope”.

However, meeting Honey was at the end of our trip.

Meeting Yardley in Scotland came first.

This was a vacation of a lifetime that David and I planned over winter, but I didn’t really think I’d have a good time, to be honest.  However, I was proven wrong!  Even though we had just rushed home from a long drive to and from Ohio, we did laundry and had to pack!

It was an an amazing trip after all. I had a birthday at the very end of July and it was a wonderful way to celebrate!  I didn’t take my lap top intentionally.  This being said, I just wanted to say hello to everyone at the tripawd nation.  I’m feeling refreshed and ready to prepare for Another  school year!

 

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Gerry is a dog, that I will never have again

I accept this.

Like George, Richard, and Paul had to accept the loss of John back when I was in 8th grade.

Still, my guitar gently weeps.

I will never be able to vocalize my loss, as these boys are able to.   But I wsh you could feel my feelings, becacuse it sounds and feels like this video.

 

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I’m hoping…

..that this will be the only summer I don’t have canine companionship.  I have already been to Ohio for one wedding, two funerals, (two of my uncles died this winter, and so we did a spreading of their ashes at the cemetery where my grandparents are) and a kick ass family reunion.  That is nothing I could have or would have wanted to do with Gerry feeling the way he did.  I have another vacation planned for July, and so again, I never wanted to leave him, even when he was fully healthy.  Even if it was my awesome neighbors, or the kennel with AC and private runs for him,that I found, I never felt ‘whole’, until I got home and got to see him.  It was a relief, not to have to worry about him being lonely or not understanding where we were.  Yes, I am that insane on the inside.  I hope everyone is out there having fun in the sun, although I don’t wish the crazy heat wave we just went through, on any of you!

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